Courage

Over Christmas, as is customary across the land, my family watched Harry Potter (the last two films).
 Although my grown up brothers giggled throughout, and my anti-Potter sister in law feigned politely bored very ineffectively, I newly noticed and was struck by one of the themes of the series. As the end of the final film approaches, it becomes increasingly clear than Harry will have to sacrifice himself to save his friends. In the face of ultimate defeat, he willingly goes to his death and is of course, murdered by Lord Voldemort. In the same way in Lord of the Rings, the fellowship go to war with Mordor,and Frodo and Sam walk to mount Doom with the ring without the knowledge we have as viewers or readers that they will make it back and ultimately the ending is happy. All our characters know is that defeat, death, pain and fear await them. In today's world many people stand up for what is right knowing that imprisonment, torture or death await them.

So to courage. Bravery is what sets these characters apart. It of course is what makes Harry, otherwise a largely unremarkable character without much notable talent or intelligence - essentially an 'everyman' - such a success with readers. He is not outstanding in any way except to have remarkable friends and blind courage in the face of fear. This is the predominant message of the books - we can be anyone, but courage makes us remarkable.

Courage doesn't play much of a part in our lives today. We strive for physical perfection, for excellence in our jobs, to work harder, for deep friendships, to be good husbands, wives, parents, even to work on our spiritual development - but being brave isn't a paramount value as it used to be in western society. Once it was a far more important value - think back to the world wars, and how this reflected in our men and women. Being brave was something they strove for, and hoped to have when the time came for their mettle to be tested.

I have recently noted a pattern in the men I have been in relationships with and ultimately hurt by - they disappointed me in many ways, but the most by being cowards. I am fairly forthright and I hate passivity, but somehow I seem to attract incredibly cowardly men. My last boyfriend broke up with me by text, stating that it would be too hard to do face to face. An extreme example, yes, but just one more in a string of boyfriends who can't stand up to me. I'm not even particularly bossy - I am independent and capable, strong willed, but not to an extreme degree by any standard. I find myself asking in desperation, exactly where are all these strong willed, courageous men?

But how does it apply to me? To you? Approaching the new year I like to do a life audit, evaluate where I am and where I want to be. For the past six months I have stagnated, become afraid of change, afraid of pain, curled up and hidden. I stayed in a relationship I knew wasn't working with a man I knew couldn't love me. I stayed in a job I didn't enjoy because the alternative - reasonably enough in these uncertain times - scared me. I stayed in when I should have gone out. I didn't start anything new. I didn't push myself. I wasn't brave.

I realise I cannot accuse these men of being cowardly - although they are - while I'm effectively being cowardly myself. Not in the same way (I wouldn't finish a relationship by text for example), but can I expect to meet a brave man who can handle me if I can't take control of my own life, step out of my comfort zone and do some things that scare me? Otherwise we stagnant. Without fear we have no chance to be brave, without bravery in the face of fear we never grow.

Watch this space.